Well,
if you haven’t figured it out by now, I am largely a shufu here in Japan (AKA a
housewife). This job allows me quite a
bit of time for reflection as I do the laundry, the ironing, the cleaning, the
cooking, etc. I have time to reflect on
how to serve and do the small things with great love as Saint Thérèse talks
about. That’s easier said than
done. How often do I feel like I’m not
doing enough! I’m busy all day and yet
feel unaccomplished, as if having fresh home cooked meals, a clean home, and
clean clothes has no merit. Yet, I
realize that I could be sitting in an office, doing very little, getting paid,
and feel much more accomplished- simply because of the money factor.
This led me to reflect back on my
experience at Madonna House in Combermere, Ontario. Adam and I spent a week at Madonna House
around New Years last year. It was an
extremely hard week for me. I was in laundry
the whole week, which allowed me time to reflect. I folded people’s clothes with great care. I ironed the linens used for the Mass with a
perfectionism that I normally wouldn’t have used. I had feelings of: “How and why does doing
everything so painstakingly well matter? No one will notice.” The woman in charge of laundry talked about how
people feel loved when they receive their clothes back, clean and neatly
folded. If we treat what belongs to them
with love, they will feel loved. While I
was there, I fought with my desire to be praised for what I was doing because I
wasn’t getting paid for it. I desired to be praised for doing a good job,
praised for spending my holidays doing humble work for others. Yet, why should
I be praised? I was welcomed into their
home, given a bed to sleep in and as much delicious and healthy food as I could
eat. I was taught to truly do my best on
the small things out of love for Jesus and other people. I’m still learning that lesson. I still don’t see the value in doing the
laundry with great love because it fails to produce an income.
In prayer, I am always asking God
what He wants from me in my life. My
focus in asking is always to know what He wants me to do in terms of a career
choice (a way to make money). I still
haven’t gotten an answer. All that I’ve
gotten is the need to be present now, the need to seek His will now in the
everyday things, the need to rejoice in the gift of life. This is what my spiritual directors have told
me too: focus on what is before you now, not on the “what may or may not happen
five years from now”. This means asking
myself, “Is there someone in my life that I do not love as I should? What are the small steps I can take to show
that person love, to heal that relationship?”
Now that I have entered into my vocation of married life (which really
is a much bigger deal than any career will ever be), I need to learn to be a
good wife, I need to learn to love.
This past weekend, Father told us
a story about four religious sisters who gave up their life jackets to other
people on a boat that was sinking. They ended
up dying as they gave their life for others.
He talked about all the little choices of love made every day that led
to that final choice. I’ve heard this
same message in regards to St. Maximilian
Kolbe and other saints before, yet every time I hear this message it
really hits me. I continually forget to
look for the little ways to love when only looking for the “grand and glorious”
acts of love or only looking for career paths.
The thing is I’ll never do great things with love if I don’t do the
little things with love. If I can’t see
how to love in the little ways now, then any career that I have will be empty
and meaningless. Money is important, I
know. Yet, learning to love is everyone’s
vocation, everyone’s path to fulfillment, and everyone’s salvation. Money is dust. Love is God.
That is how I should prioritize.
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